Goodbye 2008

*Sigh*

I'm back, yes its me. Lots of things have happened since I wrote last.

I took a job with a Marching Band. That's right, a person who can't read music is the Marching Band Assistant. Wow. It felt totally overwhelming at first, but now it just feels uncomfortable.

I'm still working on finding my niche. I have dreams of becoming a librarian, I guess if I want to do that I should go to school while I still fit in.

Um, no progress on the manly front. It has been a year of self preservation and learning lessons from past relationships. I'm back on my feet, but I have to make sure I'm a whole person. When the right guy comes along, I don't want to be full of problems from the old guys. You know. So healing was needed. That's what I did in 2008. 2009 watch out!

I went to the salon and got my large afro trimmed. Too much if you ask me. I still say she made some snap judgements based on an early impression. But she gave me a better shaped 'fro (thanks) but now I have to wait even longer on that awesome afro that glistens and moves in the wind. pout.

I got caught up in the Twilight frenzy, yes that's right a 26 year old woman reading teen vampire fiction. I couldn't help it.

I have witnessed lots of things but most of all I'm hopeful for the next year. Oh yeah, I've decided to blog again. I need you guys to witness all the stuff I'm about to get into. I'm pretty sure 2009 is going to be full of my eventful shenanigans. I took 2008 off, so its time to do it big in 2009.

Talk to you next year!

I love her hair... and oh yeah her music

Man, I've been on this burnin' high. Downloading and burning all the cds I've been wanting for a while. But I've just stumbled upon Esperanza Spalding. She's a jazz singer and a bassist. But what I like most is her style. Her afro is totally my model. She has a long and full 'fro, that's what I'm going for, sigh, we shall see.

Being guided by Holy Spirit

Confessions

Most of you already know about my relationship with Common and some even know about the time that I spent with Kamal Gray. But yall definitely didn't know that I HEART Clive Owen. If you don't agree just check out Closer. 'Nuff said.

Well okay, one more thing... this:

Okay bye

Everyone knows

And she knows it yall, I have direct evidence that Rihanna has mixed heritage. She is mixed with Black and Giraffe. That's right people. I first noticed how long her neck was when she posed for a CoverGirl ad. That thing wrapped around the back of my magazine.Yall know her neck is long as crap. They have a word for it in Art History, (ahem: educatedness on display) its called Mannerism. When limbs and bodies are elongated to create a more graceful figure. But she just has it in her neck so...I'm just glad she is embracing her uniqueness. (By puting it in a silver bow tie).

And did you hear MAXWELL is back!! I just got a chill up my spine (a good one). If this man releases an album this year, he will create another national black holiday. The first being Lil Wayne's Tha Carter III. I will have to take off work, its that serious.

Brain Fart

Mental lapses, brain farts, forgetting. Whatever you want to call it I'm having it, doing it, its being done to me. I have a horrible memory for a 25 almost 26 year old. My sister has been on my back for months to find a black shrug in my closet. I haven't done any more than the usual shallow search for it. I got up and eyed my drawers and closet, content that I didn't see it in that compulsory scan, I told her I couldn't find it. Yeah, yeah, I'm a bad sister but I assauged my guilt by telling myself that I would conduct a thorough rescue operation for this missing sweater...after my nap. Well that was about 5 months ago. I keep forgetting. Last night my sister sent 2(!) text messages (her favorite mode of communication these days) about the black jacket. I feel guilty, but wait! This is partially her fault too. She has been knowing me for 25 almost 26 years. She should just come over the house and search for it herself. She gave me a semi-miffed call just a few minutes ago. She chastised me on my cell habits (I don't really use my cell, it just occupies space in my purse, bag, desk) and on not finding this black thingie that she wants so bad.This memory thing is starting to get pesky. In movies its the funny schtick that gives us a few chuckles and we shake our heads and say "that ol such and such, he's a character." In real life people call you worse than such and such. They call me irresponsible. So now when I watch movies I don't laugh anymore when a character forgets, I empathize. And BTW totally off subject but on subject at the same time....50 First Dates was one of the saddest movies of all time. I cried at the end. Yeah, she loves old buddy but she has to meet him over again everyday and he has to condense their life in a video for her to watch EVERYDAY. She has to wake up and find out that she's a mother EVERYDAY, or learn something horrible EVERYDAY. That was one of the saddest things I had ever seen. Bambi's mom had nothing on that. Okay! Toodles

Enough said

hahaha

NO NO no no!

If you know me at all you know that I'm torn. Look at that junk above! Michel Gondry's film Be Kind Rewind with Mos Def has !gasp! Dammy Glover in it. That's right I typed Dammy instead of Danny, I'm not cussing I'm just showing my abhorrence for him. Oh well, he looks pretty dry in this picture. Do you think he could NOT sweat in any scenes for a two hour movie? I don't have much faith in him, do you? BTW I saw The Science of Sleep three days ago. Awesome movie, rent it. I want Stephanie's indie nonchalant aesthetic. I'm on my way though I just ordered some astronomically expensive skinny jeans. No, not in the hopes of them making me look skinny. (I mean who wants to look skinny?) I bought them because Anthony Hamilton's hippy (not hippie) wife rocked some at City Stages. Looked indie-neo-soul-rock star awesome! I got an outfit idea in mind. 80's themed tee, black skinny jeans, my fro in a mohawk and some electric fushia or blue flats. Hmm?
Your girl seems to be back, we'll see for how long. byeeeee

Its been a long time...

Since I wrote last lots of things have occured. Started summer class (Intro to 2D Design) and well... nothing else has really happened. Except a lot of thinking and tiredness. Oh! and planning for a big, new, upcoming arrival. Enough about that for now. Anywho!! I haven't changed one bit while I was away, I'm still as random as ever, so I'm gonna show you what my mind has been up to. Here goes:

1. Why is Kim Porter the new celebrity breeder? She has had Al. B Sure's baby and 3 of P Diddy's kids. Ugh, she is throwing women back thousands of years. She is the modern concubine. Please become wifey soon or something lady. Or at least cash in on your talent: creating pretty kids. She passes on hardly any genetic info except to the girls. Any boy she has will be a genetic clone of his father. I can't stop thinking about the tragedy of this rich-from-child-support woman. Al B. is a deadbeat dud but what's P Diddy's excuse? He's supposed to be all business like and professional but he dates celebrities and has a woman to have all his children for him. That's like a new VIP profession right?...someone to clean your house, decorate it, drive your cars, and have your kids. What's a rich guy to do? Ugh!

2. Lil Wayne. Umm, this man has been featured on at least 60 songs lately. And that is no exaggeration. Check this page out: http://www.vibe.com/news/news_headlines/2007/10/weezy_da_fireman/
He's great and all but those tatoos are so over the top. For Lil Wayne's eyes only: Dude your eyelids couldn't even escape? c'mon...meanwhile I love the new cd! But I really hope you are investing wisely and taking your own advice about getting "too comfortable." This industry is fickle, but you survived Cash Money so maybe you can do it.

3. Pharell is the new Dorian Gray in the un-gay way. I'm convinced in the basement of his Miami home there is a picture of an old scrubby dude on the wall underneath a sheet or some kind of shroud. Because who else do you know is 40 (well really 35) and looks 12? Those cheekbones, that skin? Radiant to say the least. Someone accused him of using Lamb's Milk. Hey, that stuff probably works if you can afford it...and we all know he can. Or he just has a deal with the devil for a music career and eternal youth. One or the two.

4. Why did Semi-Pro suck Will Farrell? I knew it was a reason I didn't go see it in the movies. You can and have done better.

5. A new celebrity crush is Sam Sparro. Yummy, he reminds me of James Marsden from X-men. But this dude can sing. Someone just told me he is gay and that he has two cats one named American Idol and the other is named Helen Keller. Humph...well in my mind I still have a chance with him.

6. All things French. I'm doing a personal exploration of French music, culture, I've already been watching the movies. Why? For nosiness sake.

TaTa! I shall leave you with my #7. Santogold. She's great!

Sorry Excuses for …

Man…Sigh… Hey yall,

I just read this bogus-face story on Yahoo(http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080602/lf_nm_life/books_bachelors_dc).

About how men aren’t afraid of marriage but rather are afraid of making mistakes, afraid of bad marriages. Booooo. Everyone is scared they will have a bad marriage. Lightbulb! Why don’t two people that are deathly afraid of a bad marriage get married? Maybe they will stay nice to one another and be, gasp!, faithful. I don’t believe in this story at all. I think these men like playing the field and don’t want to change in order to become a permanent part of a couple. Don’t get me wrong, I think some of them have been traumatized by seeing their parents divorce or by evil girlfriends…but it didn’t say these men stopped all romantic contact with women. These aren’t celibate men, these men are serial dating just like all the rest, but they just are settling down. And that is sick to me. I mean, who wants a mate who doesn’t want to be married? No one, but these men are just finding scapegoats to make their indecision sound justified. No (shaking my head), I don’t buy it. They should have asked these men if they have children, have mortgages, have serious careers, have real responsibilities. The answer is yes. This is just one thing that its becoming okay for people to shrug out of … life-long commitment to another person. That’s my rant for today. How are you today? Good, bad? Let me know.

Memorial Day Weekend Revelations

I’m back, but not so much refreshed…more like lazily spoiled. I saw freedom you guys, and it was “marvelous in our eyes”. I developed a new addiction: Ugly Betty. Yes, that will be added to the list. Dr. Pepper, being nosy, geeky men. That’s just a small peek of my list of obsessions. Yesterday this weird feeling of, I don’t know benevolence?, overtook me. I reminisced about my ex. I was shocked that I entertained non-homicidal thoughts about this man. Progress, I think. Eh, who knows.
I’ve made recent discoveries this weekend. All of them very personal. And yet, I’m still going to share them with you. Go figure.
Personal Revelations
1. I found out that being perky doesn’t go away with disuse. It only festers and then reveals itself in awkward and inappropriate situations. I try to be cool and nonchalant and it backfires on me. The person I’m fronting for says something totally cool, hits a nerve, or kicks over my soapbox and there I go…being Rachel all over the place. It’s annoying really.
2. I try too hard to form romantic attachments. Right now I’m trying to like this guy. But why am I trying to force this? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to force the guy into anything. But, rather, I’m trying to accelerate my feeling for this young man. Meanwhile the poor sap has no idea.
3. I’m a dreamer. This isn’t really a revelation but a coming-to-terms. I fall in love with the idea of the thing more so than reality. I have an ongoing fantasy of me wielding my fabulousness in various settings. I’m my own superhero.
4. Eating at/from home is totally doable, if you have food there. I’m lazy when it comes down to cooking most of the time. Don’t get me wrong I can cook…I mean I even look like I can cook or sing…whatever. But I have to have inspiration. I found out that if the food is easy to make, I don’t have a problem with cooking. Way to go me.
5. I feel personally responsible for the loneliness of my friends. This happens even when I’m there to have fun with them. I feel I should be able to rescue them out of depression.
6. Depression is contagious. Once a friend explained her reasons for loneliness, I bought into her reasoning. I went around moping for a few hours questioning myself too. Not good. I have to inject some life into my life.
7. My Harrison Ford boycott is over. I watched the latest installment in the Indiana Jones films. My only problem with Harrison Ford is that I don’t believe him. I can’t suspend my disbelief when I watch his movies with the exception of Star Wars and Indiana Jones films. This created a problem when the third Indiana Jones came out and there was no fourth riding on its coat tails. Harrison didn’t hang up his acting career, he continued on as if I had no say-so. But this late fourth installment is just a gentle acknowledgement to me…can we say delusional conceit?
8. My mouth has expired. I haven’t gotten a clear explanation for this since I own and having been using a toothbrush quite frequently since at least 1983. My teeth are betraying me one by one. Must be bad genes or something. Or all the sodas and sugary crap I eat. Who knows?
9. I over-think stuff. Every idea that I really like is mentally burned up by the time I finish with it. There’s no way to rewind the idea back to a workable solution. I always take it too far. Having to start over from scratch is exhausting.

Let’s face it, these are life-changing discoveries. To be honest, the real list doesn’t end there. But for the sake of time let’s just say that it does. I’m going to leave you with an audio/visual rendition of my current emotions.

And I wonder...

Ha! Hey all. That's right I said "all" not "y'all". Reporting from my desk at work. Today I ran across a rant from a co-worker. Her topic: Society's idealistic view of where we ought to be in life and our internalizing it. In other words, "Why haven't we gotten married?" and the people who ask us (including us).
As a 25 year single woman, I am considered in modern terms to be technically safe from the spinster category. I'm still "supposed" to be dating wildly and sowing random oats or is it dating randomly and sowing wild oats. Whatever! But give me five more years and people start to look at me sideways and speculate on my childbearing abilities. The sad thing is most women start to take this attitude themselves and some even stamp an expiration date on themselves. Not even always about kids but for getting married. I've talked to way too many women who say they will probably stay single because they are too picky. But when they quantify their wants it doesn't sound too unrealistic. To me anyway.
Then we try to play it off. Talking about getting ahead in our careers, as if we have to have something to show if we don't have a husband and kids. I guess we feel less womanly. But when did the definition of a woman include getting married and actually giving birth. Owning a uterus is a huge responsibility within itself. Just being a woman and then fulfilling all the requirements that society puts upon us is too much for me.
These feelings maybe the reason for the fixation on all these bridal/wedding shows. What about the magazines like Brides? I can tell you 89.64% of the readers are not engaged or even in a serious enough relationship to even dream of getting married. Its a sad fact but its true (according to me). I have surrendered to this many a time. I've even joked that if I don't get married by 30 that I will just have a bachelorette party, shower and reception with no groom in sight. ~Sigh.~ It's hard not to feel the pressure of all those fairy tales not coming true. I wonder if I'll ever get married.
The only other option right now for me is bitterness. And an absurd theory that everyone already married has HUGE problems. Of course you can't have marriage with no problems. But its not as bad as I make everyone else's marriage out to be. Take for instance my dream from Sunday night. (blur blur blur) Some random dude pulls up in my drive way and starts tinkering on the side of my house. Then Jay-Z pulls up behind him. The dude gives him an alibi because Hov needs something to tell Beyonce when he gets home.(blur blur blur) I hate that I had to find out Jay-Z is cheating on his wife that way! And no, just because its a dream doesn't mean I won't believe it as fact. "I ain't no psychic, but don't push me."
Enjoy this if you can look at his face, right now I can't (The Neptunes(Pharrell) make this palatable).

Hurrumph! bye yall ;).

Rx

I had so many topics I was gonna write about today but something topped them all. A breath of Fresh air.
I have found that Black people in general (oh, here we go again) have specific requirements for themselves and the things they do to qualify as Black. Like music for instance, if I listen to Fiest--that's not Black people music. Yeah, as bogus as that is that is ingrained in our social psyche as a whole, whether we admit it or not. But I had the privelege of going to a High School that was alternative. It seemed that although this school was 95% Black, it gathered the 3% of Black students in Birmingham that were enlightened enough to think beyond just the Black and White of everyone and everything. I reveled in this, being able to talk to other kids who didn't think in terms of "Black people music" and "White people music". I was always the weird kid until I got there, and I found out they all were the weird kids before they got to Ramsay too. I'm not saying we all became colorless but we stopped revoking people's BLACK CARD for listening to another kind of music other than Hip Hop or Rap. Or for having a different style of dress...of life.
Slowly but surely us Black people have been chipping away at the stereotypes that surround us, our style, our music. Look at what Pharrell and Kanye have been doing...Andre 3000, Gnarles Barkley. Gradually its happening whether it is retro, bohemian (which sometimes veers on the side of Afro-centricism), rock or even country.

Well I was on Dork magazine today and found this:


Awesome! The first step toward this was Darius and Nina in Love Jones. This movie was set in Chicago (known for its creative centers). They were a Black couple (Darius: writer/poet and Nina: photographer) that let their love for culture and the arts bring them together. They also communicated through creative channels. They didn't step outside of the Black people stereotype though. They just kinda broadened it on the Afro-Centric/Bohemian end. But Medicine for Melancholy is a new spin.
The movie is set in San Francisco (you got your artsy urban backdrop). Two black urbanites share the same interests in Indie-Rock music, bike riding and other non-tradional motifs. Plus there is a great soundtrack.
I'm excited! Here's what Dork magazine had to say about it...

Film. Medicine for Melancholy: Medicine for Melancholy is an anomaly. It’s a story about two San Francisco hipsters and the Sunday they spend together after having a one-night-stand. They ride fixed-gear bikes, smoke a joint, visit a museum, go dancing at an indie-rock club, and buy late night tacos. They also happen to be black. Gasp!
Like it or not, a monolithic image of blackness pervades in popular culture. Any deviation from this is deemed inauthentic and unmarketable. This is not a subtextual issue for the film but a theme it tackles head-on. The duo’s affinity for indie-culture has left them isolated in a rapidly gentrifying city that is only seven percent black. Meeting each other seems to bring their mutual identity crisis to light. Their affection for each other is visceral, - they both realize, without actually saying it, that they belong together. Micah (the guy) wants to go with this gut feeling, while Jo (the girl) seems a bit reticent. Here’s what director, Barry Jenkins has to say about the film: “In this meek story of a random encounter, the film explores the process of negotiating one’s identity by illustrating how the effects of gentrification make it virtually impossible for minority urbanites to just be.”

I don't know why I thought getting a new body would be painless. I did an ab class yesterday at the gym. I flubbed on some of the moves but mostly I did everything. At the end of the class I had a most STUPENDOUS wedgie. But other than that, I survived. I was told to expect soreness in the morning. Morning came and I felt good. No pain. At 2:12 p.m. it hit. What an unusual time for my body to admit it is suffering. I'm so sore right now that I think I must have left a piece of myself on that mat. What did I think was going to happen, I'd escape this, I dunno, I must have thought I was a superhero or something. I mean I know all the theory behind exercise. You are getting your heart rate up and tearing your muscles so that they can heal again, but stronger next time. Ha! Tell that to the back of my neck, my shoulders and my thighs. I'm not a throbbing sack of humanness though, so I guess I will do it again. Tonight I'm just doing about 45 mins of cardio. I want to let my body know that I mean bid-ness!

Ta Ta!

Danny Glover fears

Recent happenings have exacerbated my Danny Glover fears. I was at Buffalo Wild Wings and a movie came on, we couldn't figure out what it was. Danny Glover had these cream/gray pants on with suspenders. But he had hungry booty syndrome, that man has a long crack y'all. No joke, he kept lunging and running but the pants kept their same place, right in the crack. Sigh, needless to say I couldn't watch it anymore. But this episode reminded me of this awful dream where me and Danny Glover were...let's just say we shared a scary moment. Y'all that was one of my worst nightmares that I can still remember (besides the D'Angelo one where his mouth was full of Taco Bell meat, BUT I digress). Anyway, today I just noticed that a friend had Danny Glover as one of his celebrity look alikes. No way does this guy look like Danny Glover and believe you me, I mentioned the long crack thing. Oh well, I guess everyone else isn't adamant about this kinda stuff just. Well, me and Bernie Mac as the racist cop on Friday...

"I hate you black bastards, you *stink*! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's *lips*. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. Huh? Most of all, I hate that black-a** Wesley Snipes. "

Well I don't let it get under my skin like him but you get the picture. LOL. Does anyone have a celebrity nightmare? I am not the only crazy one...c'mon. You don't have nightmares? Watch this.

Pulchritudinous

Yeah I said it. Beauty is what I enjoy and want for myself. Its just getting up and doing something about it. I have all these ideas about the type of style I want to have, cultivate and display and then people do it before I can get to it. All I can do then is appreciate their ability to follow through. That takes talent and guts. Take Janelle Monae for instance. I've been dreaming of doing this for a while. She's like Afrocentric Bohemiaism meets Preppy Rockabilly...when you hear that you probably think, "how?" Well as you see in the picture, it works. She has a Lauryn Hill as a 50's Rockstar kinda vibe that I love. Enjoy this video one has to admit that the girl is talented.

Rainy day

I'm mopey right now for some reason. I'm not usually like this so I'm sure I'll get outta my funk. I may have found a gym buddy, YAY!, that would definitely cheer me up. There's nothing like getting on an butterfly weight machine in front of about five strange men to fill you with self consciousness. I'm still acclaimating to sweating profusely in front of strangers too. It may take a minute but I'm determined.

Even though it is totally ugly outside now at least we can enjoy this:

Not much to say today but

Maybe Tomorrow

Slut Puppies Unite

Okay, by a show of hands how many of yall are readers of Cosmopolitan? Okay keep them up. How many of you actually practice the techniques in said magazine. How come all the hands went down? Yeah, exactly. I admit it I read this magazine, and have done so since I was about 10 years old. Do I ever use anything out of this book? NO WAY! Will I ever? Maybe, but that's besides the point! What I mean to say is that Cosmo has cultivated a culture of Slut puppism. Its okay to get down and dirty if its for the sake of pleasuring yourself or your man...SCREECH! Hold on. They make it sound so normal to do all of the sex secrets and tricks. And now every other issue is the sexy issue or the bedside astrologer. Way to combine fornication and astrology!! Wow.

Now, I'm not going to be a hypocrite because I can tell you right now that I'm looking at the latest issue and taking the quiz in the back called "Do you send out sex vibes?" But I'm just saying that we all have to watch it. Because we get desensitized to things very quickly and start to believe that its normal to do certain things or that its expected of us to go above and beyond what is comfortable for us on a personal level. Don't get sucked into the sexual media trap okay, ladies? Tongues aren't supposed to go there! that's what that weird taste in your mouth is.

P.S. According to the quiz results: I am a playful provocateur, meaning that I "realize that lively conversation is key to getting the right men to their melting points." Umm, do I really want to get the right man to his melting point? What will I do with all the man-goo? Gross, well toodles.

Ooooh this takes me back...

I'm being such a GIRL right now. Huff! Music is so much a part of my life I can hear a cd and instantly remember what I was doing when I first heard a song or think back to a time in my life when I wore that cd out. I just took Common's (yummy) Finding Forever for a spin. I instantly thought of this nice young man that I spent a few hours talking to while this cd was on. Sigh, he sure was sweet. haha. Do yall have anything like that? I know when I hear Matchbox 20's Yourself or Someone Like You I think about Tess of the D'urbervilles. I read that book to that cd. Crap! Forgive me for my randomness today. My mind is all over the place.
I've been given advice from different sources now about how I should go about my current situation. Some people (very nice people) say to be myself and I can't go wrong. These very nice people must not know me that well. As an alternative I've been told to take on another persona, one that is more outgoing or self-assured. I've done that before, but I can't get back in the "place" that allowed me to become this other person that I affectionately named Melinda. That's right I named her. To me ME-Linda sounds self assured...like I'm Pretty...that's what it translates to in Spanish at least. Shrug. How it happened was I went to this party and didn't know anyone there except the person I rode to the party with. I determined that I wouldn't be a wallflower. So I danced, met people, got numbers (all the wrong numbers) and generally had an all around BALL. I made some acquaintances and some friends that night. But what led me to do that in the first place...a awkwardly painful breakup. I had to prove to myself that I was still alive and a social butterfly...fun! I'm not in that "place" anymore and have no desire to go back there ever...but I would like to recall Melinda from time to time. What to do?
I guess go with plan A: being myself. Doesn't work everytime but hey.

*Sigh* Crushed out

I was listening to this song by Goapele last night. I think this describes my mood...yet another indication that I'm a 12 year old.

Crushed out by Goapele

Chorus: You know I'm crushed out on you and you alone

If I thought you had my number I'd stay home by the phone

Day and night I sit and wait for you to call me

But only time will show how far this can go

Verse 1:His voice it comforts me

Sweet and raspy tone of love

It trails me into dreams

I wanna wake up to it(up to it)

Full blast full blast)

His name alone

Gives me a rush

What a feeling

I can feel it in my bones

A spirit

I'm craving in my soul

You could feel it all

But you don't even know

Chorus:That I'm crushed out on you and you alone

If I thought you had my number I'd stay home by the phone

Day and night I sit and wait for you to call me

But only time will show how far this can go

Verse 2:I'm longing for the space and time to chill with you

Thinking of the ways that I could keep my cool

But this brown eyed girl

And brown eyed boy

Time stood still

And passed us by

Cause baby I

I've been waiting for a little time

Oh and you were so beautiful and that's ???

You're my kind of guy

If I had a type of guy, I'd say it's you

So don't let them bring you down

Cause right about now I like having you around

And if it's real that's where hearts resides

Chorus:And I'm crushed out on you and you alone

If I thought you had my number I'd stay home by the phone

Day and night I sit and wait for you to call me

But only time will show how far this can go

Bridge:If you think of me

Half as much as I do you

Confide in me

Lets play for keeps

And I can tell you all the things

I longed to say

The future wants

We'll find a way

And we can let it go

Chorus:That I'm crushed out on you and you alone

If I thought you had my number I'd stay home by the phone

Day and night I sit and wait for you to call me

But only time will show how far this can go

That I'm crushed out on you and you alone

If I thought you had my number I'd stay home by the phone

Day and night I sit and wait for you to call me

But only time will show how far this can go

Yes, Its gotten that bad...I've started to blog song lyrics. Someone shoot me now. At least you gotta admit its a nice song, right? No? Okay.

Happy Moan-day Everyone

Argh...today is a day of recouperation. At work, not feeling like being at work. But this weekends highlights include the Magic City Art Festival in Lynn Park. It was fantastic art all at prices I couldn't afford, go figure. But even better than that I've written my first poem for this year. I don't think I'll ever show it to anyone though. It was very personal, you know, but this just means that my comic verse is on its way. That's right people, you are going to be tortured with my twisted verse soon. So get ready. I will include other things for those of you who hate poetry and all that it stands for...or just hate my poetry. Umm, I fell deeper in crush this weekend too. That's another story that I wish I could share. Oh! but I do have a good story to share from last week, Friday to be exact.

My friend heard someone on the side of her house say in an a theatrical whisper, "Come on, come on." But she didn't think anything of it. As she was getting ready for work, someone knocked on the door. She opened it and found the neighborhood crackhead there before her. He told her immediately that he was going to need two bowls and some lunch. She noticed that the front lawn is cut. He turned and left, I guess so she could go get the materials together and prepare it for him. The audacity! Anyway, when he comes back she has three bowls for him and six dollars. She asks him whos paying him for the yard. He replies, "Me and your brother been talking, don't you worry about that. By the way, while I was cleaning out your shed I saw some snakes. I'm looking for your lime. It's gonna take two applications. Now worry cuz its gonna get all over the cars (the cars are in the front of the house, he's talking about putting the lime down in the backyard). Don't worry about the lime on the cars, because I wash and wax cars."

Man, my friend better watch out because he's probably gonna be living in the shed in a few days. She said he has tried to sell them baby clothes before. I gotta give it to him though, he's on the grind. He doesn't take his hustle lightly. Speaking of hustle, lemme get back to work.

Got dem draws

Yes, that's right people. I'm talking about underwear. And its betrayal on the women's race. Not only is some of it uncomfortable, but some of these contraptions are borderline torture to wear. Girdles, bras, bikinis, thongs, boy shorts, slips, body shapers, bustiers....sigh. We've been holding ourselves together for a long time with the help of some scraps of twisted metal and cotton-lycra combinations. I have been stabbed on numerous occasions by a stealthy underwire bra. That is the point where you take the wire out, stomp on it and then inspect the injured skin or puncture wound. But where does that leave you until you get home, that's right say it with me, l o p s i d e d. At times like those I wish I were a member of the itty bitty titty commitity. To be honest I was a proud member until 1999. This darn late blooming isn't what its cracked up to be....

Speaking of cracks, um, at what point is a thong wedgy sexy? Is the thong supposed to sit on top of the crack? If so, I will never be able to wear this underwear style properly since I have been diagnosed with one of the severest modern cases of hungry booty syndrome known to man. This phenomenon affects over 30% of people especially those with a booty cheek ratio of more that 3 to 1. But I digress.

Its getting hot. I'm boycotting underwear...ok second thought no I'm not. I'm just doing the comfort thing okay? Okay. Granny panties for life man...except on special sexy occasions. I wish men had to endure this....check out this Monty Python clip ( I love those guys).

Control

Hi people, I'm still recouperating from this weekend of spiritual rejuvenation. I got a lot of compliments on my hair. Mostly from 30ish and 40ish women. They all shared things in common ... they all had perms, they all had husbands ord fiancees that didn't want them to go natural. My reaction was "Thank you" and "What!" Are men really stopping their wives and girlfriends from embracing their true selves? Their inner natural goddess/queens? Really? So I decided to meld this with a blogging suggestion. The topic suggested is Do men really have that much control over our lives? Hmmm. I looked at myself through their eyes then...they saw a young carefree woman who is able to grow her hair in the style of her choice without consulting any man. They saw me and thought, "wow, she's single and free to do lots of things she wants". I know this because one lady actually said that. It made me look at myself in a new light for a few minutes...I felt freedom. But then I saw her walk away holding her fiancee's hand. Womp, womp, womp. The grass is always greener...ha.

Let's be honest ladies, yes, we dress for ourselves but we dress to get/keep attention from males also. So when you know what your man likes you try to please him as long as you can stand it. This applies to clothing, makeup, shoes, perfume and HAIR. But come on women! You know you want to experiment and try new things too. Keep it fresh. Your guy may not know that he likes it until you try it. Do you think you will lose this man if you tweaked your physical appearance to something you would enjoy more? If so, maybe you don't need him. If you are married, pshaw, he ain't going nowhere because you cut your perm out! If anything he'll be glad that you shaved some minutes off your bathroom/prep time.

But back to the REAL issue, do men really control that much of our lives? My coworker originally suggested that I talk about something else besides men, because she just couldn't believe that men control us that much that we have to talk about them ALL the time. Of course!! That's what single women do (she knows this, she's probably going to herself, "I know".) Well, I hate to say this, but the people that don't talk about men all the time are men (and they still talk about each other a good bit). BUMMER. How do you feel about this? Speak to me.

P.S. Today I used a suggested topic. I really enjoy writing about what yall want to hear, and the thing is that, if you comment you will be giving me a response but you will also give the person who suggested this question or topic your highly valued opinion, advice etc. So speak out, don't bottle it up.

Yall thought I wasn't gonna post today? Pshaw!

Hey yall for real though that party last night was great! It was just what I needed and just what I wanted and just what I didn't need all rolled into one.  Who parties on Thursday night? Apparently my friends and me. I got home at about 2 am and went to sleep (officially) at 3 am. What was I thinking of? I got up no problems then I hit a wall at 3 pm! I had to stand up to work yall, it was that bad. I was seeing double. I work with money and numbers and teensy field boxes. That ain't no way to be discovered, that ain't no way to do your job.  Well at least I had a GOOD time, thanks! And please don't release those videos.  Private use only.  They are super embarasaing, okay? But can you at least send me a copy? Now I'm trying to type before the coma sets in.  My circuit assembly is tomorrow.  Bye yall I got to go prepare. Dr. Pepper here I come, kidneys watch out.

P.S.  Next week is the start of all those suggestions you guys sent.  Yall are wonderful, you know. =)

How's the 'fro?

Transcripts from an interview with Rachel's hair, taken from Sunday April 6, 2008 (6:31 p.m.)

Interviewer: Welcome, welcome!! Chill out, relax... well don't relax
Afro: (Chuckles) Hi
Interviewer: (Nervously) I'll just get right down to it, okay?
Afro: Shoot
Interviewer: How old are you?
Afro: (Counts on her fingers) Hmm... about 7 months old.
Interviewer: Wow! (scribbles something on notepad) How's it been growing up and stuff
Afro: It's been alright, could have been better. I get washed way too often.
Interviewer: How do you feel about that?
Afro: Dry (gets quiet and stares out of the window)
Interviewer: OOOOOkay, um...I hear you are curly, do you think that you are?
Afro: Hey you know, you can't believe everything people tell you. Those are just rumors, I'm a bit more complicated than that.
Interviewer: I heard that you're soft too. (shuffles notes) On Sunday January 20th, direct quote from Sister Roach after touching you, "Rachel, its so soft." Is that true?
Afro: Well that's good, I try to make myself approachable. Softness is a part of that. So is sheen, we've been working on moisture.
Interviewer: Do you ever go out still wet?
Afro: All the time, it was a problem in winter though. Those were harsh times. The extremes in temperatures. I'm glad the weather has eased up some, I'm a bit less stressed.
Interviewer: I'm glad, now on to your past, how long were you incarcerated in your relaxed form?
Afro: Oh no, not this again. All you interviewers are the same, always throwing the past in my face. Okay, okay, yes! I used to be a pixie cut, a bob, a french roll, but most of the time a pony tail. I quite enjoyed my ponytail days if you must know....I'm not ashamed of that time. I've just moved on you know.
Interviewer: (patting Afro) Yes, I know. Thank you for being so gracious.
Afro: Well thanks for having me atop your head. (winks and then glistens)

Today's meanderings are:

Thank you so much everyone who has wrote me about blog topics (I begged). I'm interested in all the topics and you will see them here.

I must say that I've been under a lot of pressure lately and it shows not only on this blog but on my face. I can feel my eye sockets hollow as I type. Not that I've lost an inch or a pound. Anyways, last night after I walked I was starving but tired too. So I opened up the freezer and found an ice burned Banquet Fried Chicken dinner. (Who does this?) I opened the box and threw the big chunks of ice in the sink, heated the meal according to the directions with a few more minutes for good measure. I prayed before my meal and during it. "Jehovah, please don't let this make me sick." It wasn't great, but it wasn't good either. It didn't taste funny or anything but I kept thinking I can't keep eating like this (like I do this all the time or something). I don't know how to eat healthily, I don't even think I can afford to eat healthily. Sigh, but I'll try.

So I went to sleep at about 12:45 I watched a snippet of this French movie translated "Breathless". So I dozed off...blurr blurr blurr blurr(dream sequence starts) I wake up to find people seated around my bed looking serious and waiting anxiously on the edge of their seats. I wake up and try to talk and a doctor (because I'm in my bed but in a hospital room) tells me to take it easy. They give me a phone and I call my best friend who tells me I've been unconscious for about 2 weeks. I look at the doctor and he verifies that I've been asleep for 2 weeks, I immediately have flashbacks of seeing things through a sleep veil, of almost coming to. The doctor then tells me what I've had (get this)..... a stomach virus. Cut! (dream sequence ending) I woke up this morning thinking "BOOOOOOOO!" stupid dream. That's what eating an old Banquet Fried Chicken meal will get you, go figure. Have yall had any weird food dreams lately?

Meanwhile on the social front, I'm helping Shannon with the Sister Circle Soiree. I want to spell circle with an "S" so badly. Maybe Sister Sphere Soiree? Anyway, its a forum for young women to enlighten, empower and educate themselves while eating and having fun. It will be spectacular Shan-ton! Today I'm sharing with yall a picture of my idea of the motif of the soiree. Shannon, I'll show you my notes later. Enjoy!

Yay!

Hello all, I’m very excited today. Its only 2 weeks away you guys. “What?” you may ask. Well only the fun-est event to get its start on April 29, 2008. Yes, that’s right folks, TACKY TUESDAY. Every last Tuesday of the month a group of us are going to dress in the tackiest thing we can come up with at that time and meet up and eat and drink and of course take pictures. Ladies, this is a wonderful opportunity to wear those pants/shoes/dresses you’ve been dying to wear, but didn’t have anything to go with them. That’s right ladies and gents we are going to go out in public. No sticks in the mud allowed. Now I will make this exception if you don’t want to dress up but you still want to hang out its fine. Just get ready for funny looks because you are the only one who didn’t dress up. In my opinion our group will be appreciated. People don’t do fun stuff anymore and this is just that, good clean wholesome fun. Like I said we won’t miss any photo opportunities, I will ask permission to use your photo if it is super hilarious. Also the meeting place will not be revealed (to the public) on my blog until after the Tacky event has transpired. Yall, this should be fun.

Let's get physical!

Okay, who am I trying to kid? I walk with a group of friends every other day. A brisk 3 mile walk which I've been telling myself is better than nothing. But really, I'm not fooling myself or anyone else for that matter. I mean real talk yall, I love you and everything but I'm going to have to do some real exercise and let the 3 mile stroll be a compliment to that. I want real results. So I guess I'll join a gym... sigh. Anyway, I'm recouperating from some nefarious activities this weekend I'd rather not talk about. All I'm gonna say is I'll never do it again. Let's not talk about it.

Google Me

I know I know, I haven't been here in a long time. But there is a crackdown at work. Work is becoming un-fun now that I can't play like I want to online but oh well. It still hasn't stopped me, much. I googled my email/screenname because at work its my job to find people's information, so I decided to look myself up...this is what I found: Reviews on yahoo.

Enjoy

Surin West My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
Restaurants, American Restaurants, Thai Restaurants
Review Date: 04/19/2007
I really like this place...: I must say when you go here, you feel at home and everything on the menu is delicious even if not familiar to our Southern palates.


Publix Super Market My rating: Good
Homewood, AL
Grocery Stores, Drug Stores, First Aid, Pharmacies
Review Date: 04/19/2007
I heart Publix so much...: It may be b/c they use a "x" instead of "cs". I don't really know, but it the equivalent of target except its a grocery store. And if you have ever been inside of the Ensley/Wylam Piggly Wiggly you can understand the fresh and new quality of this store.I also once went to the Southern Food Market across from Bartow Arena. It was a glorified Quickie Mart. So thank you Publix for being there with your neat and overpriced items!


Apco Employees Credit Union My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
B2B Credit Unions, Credit Unions
Review Date: 04/19/2007
A healthy alternative to AmSouth/Regions: They like me, they really like me, not just my money. I've been pretty well behaved too. Maybe because it feels like I belong to a secret society now. $$$


Target My rating: Good
Trussville, AL
Clothing Retailers, Clothing Stores, Department Stores
Review Date: 04/19/2007
A whole new world...: It's preppy, it's fresh, it's new, it's a good ride from my house. It's like adventure shopping for me. Located in the Pinnacle in Trussville, this Target is wonderful. I may even give up the one on 280 if gas prices go down. Keep it up Pinnacle Target!


Wal-Mart Supercenter My rating: Not so good
Homewood, AL
Clothing Retailers, Clothing Stores, Department Stores, Bakeries
Review Date: 04/19/2007
What happened Club Walmart?: You use to be so sparkly and fresh. You were always being renovated, you had the best food section and your electronics department was a breath of fresh air. But now you've changed. You no longer have handsome guys roaming up and down your aisles. The soccer moms don't push their way past me anymore. You gotta do better. I heard rumors of a mouse problem (said in a whispered voice). Come on! You even dropped the ball on my friends cake order. You just don't mess with a person's cake! Somebody talk to Wally World Lakeshore b/c he just won't listen to me...


Formaggio's Italian Bistro My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
Restaurants, Italian Restaurants
Review Date: 04/19/2007
A college atmosphere...: There is a younger crowd that gathers at Formag's. The prices are low the food is uncomplicated and Italian at the same time. You can't beat that. I had a friend to almost fall into the bench seating one time. Other than that it is a blast. A great late night, after party spot. Don't come here for ugly dates b/c even though the light is low, you're almost guaranteed to run into someone you know.


Chop Suey Inn My rating: Great
Homewood, AL
Restaurants, Chinese Restaurants
Review Date: 04/19/2007
I love it when they scream at me...: The cashier always speaks louder than needed. On the phone and in person. They have the best egg rolls I've ever tasted, filled with steamed cabbage, ground pork and suprise!!, small steamed shrimp. It's wonderful. The owners ( and employees, I guess) go on vacation during one month late in the summer. July or August. They close for this brief period during the year. I believe that they have to rest up from cooking such wonderful food and recouperate for another year. You see people driving slowly past the restaurant trying to see if it has re-opened yet. But absence does make the heart grow fonder. So in September they are back in full effect and the lines are a bit longer when they first reopen so be patient.


Mr Wang's Restaurant My rating: Good
Homewood, AL
Restaurants, Chinese Restaurants
Review Date: 04/19/2007
People always drag me here...: I always get dragged here, kicking and screaming but enjoy it so much after I'm there. Just be sure not to get filled up on soda, the servers will keep you topped off if you're not careful.


Tracy's My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
Restaurants
Review Date: 04/19/2007
It was okay...: It was a typical steam table cafeteria experience. Except when the cashier stabbed me in the back with the price tag. The food was good. I savored it because I was eating 2 days worth of my lunch budget on one occasion. To make a long story short: Don't eat there alone or if you're on a budget.


Carmike Wynnsong 12 - Birmingham My rating: Not so good
Birmingham, AL
Movie Theaters
Review Date: 04/19/2007
Wait a second!...: I haven't been to this theater in about 3 years. On this visit I was to attend a 10pm showing of Premonition. I was warned before I got there to be careful because the police were in hot pursuit of someone in the area. (This theater is not in a bad neighborhood). So when I arrived to witness the end of the car chase in the theater's parking lot, I was thinking to myself, "this movie better be good, because it's gonna have to top the show I just saw outside." I met my friends and we went in to watch the movie. One of my friends left the theater to use the restroom and came back to sit down and the guy in front of us wanted to get involved in an altercation. I guess he didn't like feeling the air gush from the seat on the back of his neck or something...Overall it was a weird night. I guess the Wynnsong 12 can't be held responsible for all the events of that night but I will be going to varioius RAVE movie theaters from now on.


Jason's Deli My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
Delicatessens, Restaurants, Sandwiches, Catering Services
Review Date: 04/19/2007
A whole sandwich is a 1/2 in Jason's Deli...: I ordered off the kiddie menu b/c $ was running low and I still wanted to try them out. It was awesome!. They brought me a full size sandwich (on the menu it says half). Then there was this sweet yogurt dip to compliment the fresh fruit cup I ordered. I made a mistake and got some of the yogurt on my sandwich. Let me tell you, it was delicious. Now I just spread the yogurt on the sandwich as soon as I get it. Way to go Jason (whoever you are)!


Full Moon Barbecue Store My rating: Good
Birmingham, AL
Restaurants, Barbecue Restaurants, Catering Services
Review Date: 04/19/2007
Just get the potato, you'll thank me later...: I don't go there for the ribs. One can get ribs at home. I go there for the potato that is bigger than my head. It's baked and healthy at first until they put cheddar, sour cream, chives and bbq'd pork or chicken on top. I add bbq sauce too. It's sinfully delicious and must be shared with 2-3 other people (or you will hurt yourself or end up throwing most of it away).


That's right people, no videos or pictures this time.

Hey girl

Hey girl:
I do have a suggestion. Maybe you could pose the question on your blog whether or not women are a true reflection of the men that hit on them. I know we’ve talked about it before, but I’m curious about what others have to say.

~Krystal

Thanks Krystal!
This has been a question in my mind too. My mom gave me some advice once. She said “When you go out looking for a man, remember to look in the mirror first.” Now I don’t know what she was trying to say. I probably need therapy to work that out but, it made so much sense when I applied to other people. But what does it mean? Not to shoot for the stars because you’re not the most beautiful woman in the world? No, I refuse to settle. I don’t even like the word settle. But then I was thinking "how many people live by that theory anyway"? On many an occasion old men (over 40) have approached me or made overtures toward me. I believe they thought that they had a chance too. Instead of these compliments(?) boosting my confidence, they have the opposite effect. I think to myself “what vibe/message did you send out to make him believe he had a chance”? Then I shiver and walk away, fast. Same with scrubby dudes and Lame-o’s. I really feel that my self perception is warped by these encounters.

Okay if a woman is TOGETHER, shouldn’t most men find her attractive? Shouldn’t she be confident enough to accept a compliment from any source and move on?

I think the reason why this phenomenon disturbs me is because when women get interested in a man its because he looked good of course but mainly it’s a reflection of how we think of ourselves. Although may have been seconds from the time we first saw a guy we have already had very important subconscious flashes and conclusions. (Or at least in my case)
1.) Seen myself on a date with him.
2.) Matched our senses of style.
3.) Physically sized him up.
4.) I have a preconceived notion of what his voice is going to be like.
5.) Although I’m kinda against kids, I have a picture of what his kids would look like.

And last but not least I’m ashamed to admit it but...

6.) I know what comments my friends would make about him.

You know I left out some but these are just a few things that run across my mind.

I just don’t think guys go through any substantial lists like that before they approach. Well at least old guys, scrubby guys, and Lame-o’s. My theory is they feel like they will never know if they don’t ask, or what have they got to lose. To be continued...

This touches me deeply, what are your thoughts?

Dear Mr. Goodnight

Here is a poem that I wrote with very strong feelings. Its theme is Taco Meat. I'm not gonna say anything else, I'll let the poem say it all.

Dear Mr. Goodnight
Crispy tight, remove them from my sight
They are unsightly bad,
rough and just a tad—gross
Some women may appreciate it, Up against smooth skin
Why don’t you just rid yourself of it. Showing it bit by bit
Ohhhh is not a sound of pleasure
Seriously dude, it makes me itch.
Although you explain and make claims
That you think your blood is rich
with testosterone.
Nice, but I don’t need proof that you’re grown.
Because on everything I own, that has to be gone,
Before I touch your chest again
Sincerely,

P.S. I hope you can understand

Not Today's Post (Just a Pro/Con Rant)

Yall! City Stages done sat up there and got The Roots on their line up. How could they? That means that City Stages and Bonnaroo are on the same weekend. What the crap?! Well Bonnaroo has the better line up hands down. Yet they are in Tennessee and its $250.00 for the whole 4 days (still not a bad deal considering all the great artists that will be there). But $250 at one time…Eww…that sets my teeth on edge. What to do, what to do hmm. I guess wait and see how May treats me. $250! Whew, but it means going to Tennessee too. Yay!, right?
I’d still want to go to Tennessee anyway later to visit. Plus that’s 2 days I’d have to take off of work. Not looking very good on the Bonnaroo side.

Bonnaroo VS City Stages

What should I do yall? Can you add (or explain) anything on either of the lists that will be the deciding factor?

I Feel the Need to Leave

I’m feeling froggy yall. I need to travel. Drive, run, jog, skip out of town. It’s getting old doing the same ol’ same ol’. This rut isn’t even comfortable. I’d like to see some new people, spend entirely too much money, be a guest, and sleep on a strange bed. I could do all that in town but where’s the fun in that? C’mon who’s with me? Where we going yall? Seville? Paris? Glasgow? No? Maybe later…how about Tuscaloosa (yeah, I said it), Huntsville? Memphis? Savannah? Chattanooga?
Any of these options is cool with me. I just need a weekend to lock down on it. So what will it be people? I’m so sick of Birmingham right now I could…I could…LEAVE! Tell me am I the only one getting cabin fever?

Bad Vibes

I’m officially scaring myself now. I got this eerie feeling lately at work. I hate doing the psychic thing-- it's really demonic. Some people here at work agree with me. I don’t know what’s about to happen, but it doesn’t feel good. I feel pretty secure in my job. You know I get my work done. I don’t go above and beyond (c’mon I’m blogging right now, Pshaw). But the bosses have been moving around quite freely in my department, that’s something they don’t normally do. They do that right before heads start to roll. Reading body language has given me some disquieting thoughts. I’m going to pray for the best to work out. Meanwhile I’m gonna look as busy as possible, ya know. So call me now, nawl don't do that. Just pray for me now. Bye yall =)

Question Answered

Well lookie here. Paula's preggers. Sweet! I was just wondering where is Robin Thicke? Apparently him and Paula have been getting their married on.
You know, I’ve always seen myself sexily married in my future. No kids in most of my dreams though. I've always wanted to be half of the sexy/cute couple that everyone likes. You know the one... that has all the fun, goes on all the trips and always look fly together. Well I’m working on my sexy half of that whole right now. But where’s my other half? I don’t know, you got me! Don’t worry, I’m looking…maybe Terrence Howard, Pharrell, Talib Kweli…hmm? If you ask me this blog is getting waaay too sad. I gotta do something about that. But what? What would you like to see on my blog? I wanna give you what you wanna see. Do something…ask me a question, argue with me, something. Maybe that’s what I should blog about. The way people communicate these days…hmmm again.

I'm getting sexier by the day but meanwhile I'm Lost Without You guy!

(Puh-leez, this sappiness has got to stop people. Comment asap on how to end the madness. Select Name/Url to create any old name and skip the url part then click publish comment or whatever. People act like they can't comment and stuff without signing up. It can and has been done! Gimme some feedback)

P.S. Oh! here's my outfit for the Jill Scott Concert which was incredible by the way (concert not the outfit). http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31851962&id=20503333

My Love is...

I just revisited some older songs by Jill Scott in preparation for her concert Sunday. I really enjoy how she doesn't just talk about being in or falling in and out of love. She expresses how she moves through the day while being in love, while falling out of love etc. There isn't any "I can't breathe, think, sleep, and eat" crap you get from other artists. She tells you she got up and made breakfast while thinking about you, she rode to work thinking about you, she got hit on by a guy and thought about you. Yeah, she tells you how she functions when she's looking for love, when's she's found it, when she's lost it and when she's remembering it. Ah, and then she throws little details in like, how one boyfriend used to wear a certain type of cologne but it only smelled good on him, she tried putting it on other guys but it just didn't work. haha. You gotta love that! I'm getting all boheme'd out for the concert. I really don't have far to go, maybe do a little something different to the ol' fro. And I shall bring back pictures!!

Group shots

You know what I dislike yall? Group pictures. Yeah, I've been the victim of them and I've victimized plenty of people in my time too. What is it that makes us squish people together in a picture frame? Is it a conservation of camera memory? Or just a power-high that people get because they have the authority to tell you to huddle next to a total stranger closer...closer? I dunno maybe its the extraordinary positions people crouch into to take group picture that is the funniest. My new theory is that the only time group pictures work is if...

1. you are family, the cheesiness is okay

2. you are a part of a group, club, class

3. you have a formation or shape

4. it is meant to be snarky

By far this is one of the best group pictures I've been apart of. Why don't we do stuff like this more often?

Bitterness

Recently I saw my ex with his new girlfriend. I feel very small because I want to be happy for him but I'm not. I did a test to find out what I was feeling. 1. Do I still want him? no 2. Would I talk to him again if he asked? no 3. Do I find him attractive tonight? no 4. Am I upset that he's with someone else? yes Bingo. Selfishness. Instead of thinking "since I don't want him then anyone can have him", I'm like "how could he get someone and I'm still by myself, I'm the coolest ever". I know, I know you're like well you dated him so he can't be that bad...No! This guy is one of the exes I keep hidden away. I never tell people we dated, if people hinted that we did, I deny 3 times like Peter! He was the lamest of all lames ( I won't go into details). I never told him how lame he was because I didn't think he'd see it as being lame. He has lame-blindness. It afflicts about 12.5% of young American adults every year. As all recovering Lame-os know, the first step is admitting that you have lame issues. Let's just say that it wasn't a shining moment in my past. I don't think he'll read this but if he does, oh well.

I keep thinking how small this sounds. But I really had a double take moment when I saw him with the girl. She is cute, and she seems nice (I smiled at her and she returned my smile). Maybe I should just be happy for them...Nawl man! I'm gonna have my tantrum! ARGH! (running down the hallway at work). Plus I really believe the numbers are on his side. For every man there are like 25 females in varying degrees of desperateness. He's bound to find one to suit him. I gotta shake this off, I'm not used to this feeling.

Lessons learned: Don't date lame-o's and it won't come back to bite you.

Is that the lesson I should have learned from all this? What are your thoughts?

Common? Yes, please

So you're looking at my boo, huh? Yeah, everyone meet Common, he's my baby's father (and I haven't even decided if I'm having children yet). Girls, I hope I don't have to explain the phenomenon that is Common. You should know. But guys, I can explain it to you. His main attraction is his brain(okay, he has a nice body too). I love this man's mind, he actually thinks. He also has a very very nice voice. He doesn't speak too properly or anything but he just speaks the best way he knows how. He seems humble because he's always the first to admit his mistakes or imperfections. But he will try. That's what I need dude, effort. Don't be all talk, show me. Or... just look and sound like Common. Am I the only one with a celebrity significant other that they want to "shout out"? I know I'm not alone please share.

Monday Memories

The soundtrack for today is everything Kelis. There is something about her voice (no matter the content of the song) that takes me back to adolescence. I think about Judy Blume books, sleepovers, the color pink, being boy-crazy, playing MASH and surviving middle school. So today I’d like you to think back to 7th grade and remember how hard you thought your life was and compare it to today. Wow, right?! If we only knew back then what we know now.

If I could go back in time to 1994 this is what I’d tell the 12 year old me…

1.) stay interested in drawing
2.) take more pictures
3.) hug all your family members extra hard
4.) it’s not that deep, forget about that stupid boy
5.) look again/closer at the nerdy boy
6.) don’t wear those jellies again
7.) don’t get the perm!!!
8.) next year you will be sorry you ever asked to be a woman
9.) there is no cause to do that on the Bethel trip, tsk tsk
10.) tennis skirts are a bad idea no matter what everyone is doing
11.) listen to something else besides that
12.) be nicer

What advice would you have for the younger you?