The mind boggles at why married men care about how my hair looks. But this weekend my friends' husbands took upon themselves to comment. I think they are trying to intimidate their wives from growing an afro. UNBELIEVABLE. One guy raised his fist at me and greeted me with "Black Power." I was offended! Suddenly because I have a natural I'm a militant? I love Black people because I love ALL people. I could have retaliated but chose not to. I don't think his wife was gonna look at my hair and instantly want a natural. I mean c'mon! If he has married a grown woman with thinking ability and decision making skills I don't think being around me will influence her to "stray" from the permed course. That is not a strong enough reason to go natural. Believe me. I kinda think my hair made him uncomfortable. In my friend set I'm the odd woman out. I'm still single and I don't have to consult a husband about my personal grooming decision. I think he may have felt uneasy about his wife seeing a free woman make a chemical free decision such as I have. Who knows. Maybe he was trying to be funny.The second opinionated hubby compared me with Lauryn Hill. Not a bad comparison but we all know about Lauryn sketchy history with sanity and fame. I don't know what he was implying but he may have clarified his view with his latter comments. He sighed and shook my shoulder and said, "Rachel, why don't you go ahead and get dreads?" As if I were being indecisive and asking everyone for their opinion on what I should do with my hair. Wow! I should have sarcastically said, "Thank you so much, I've been debating whether to get them or not, but now that I have your permission I can go ahead." NO! Meanwhile his wife was very polite. She also is deeply entrenched in the perm society. She rocks a very cute short razor cut with a little honey blond icing. She doesn't seem to want to go natural, but apparently to these men I'm a threat or a fence stradler.
If you know me you know I'm a clown, a REAL fool, but I never make jokes off these men. All of my jokes have respectful boundaries that I have never crossed with them. Rules such as no personal appearance jokes, or marriage jokes. It seems in their mind either they didn't know about that rule or my afro made it okay for them to break it. Next time its gonna be worse. Because sad to say, I didn't set them straight. They still think its okay to say that kind of stuff.
This can't be the popular consensus in the male view can it? Do men seriously ONLY like stick straight long hair? What can that possibly matter in the long run? I mean it takes lots of work to keep up long permed hair. Silk pillows, scarves, satin caps, long hours in the salon....etc. And then it still doesn't look perfect all the time, when its time for a touch up LOOK OUT! Meanwhile half of the time my permed sisters accentuate with weave pieces and sometimes half and whole wigs. Get a grip guys. I'm the girl who is the same all the time. My hair is soft and manageable and happens to stick out from my head. Its a true part of me, authentic, unaltered, unadulterated me-ness. But then again I have to believe that there are men out there that appreciate the Real Rachel. There won't be any surprises in the morning with me. When I wake up the only thing different is my fro is wopsided. But a little picking will fix that right up.
Meanwhile, I must have a giant neon sign that hovers above my 'fro that says, "Lonely single female wants ANY male attention." All sorts of old guys looked up and down, made comments and basically tried to holler. YUCK. For those of you who like men 20 years older than you, I don't mean to offend. But "get ya boys" please. And then the young married men. This is some kind of epidemic! They are flirting hard. I'm safe, because I never want to destroy my relationship with Jehovah or be "the other woman". But they are gonna eventually find the girl who is desperate or doesn't care about his family at home. This is all sad to me. And very dirty, not only to their wives (who aren't always unsuspecting) but to me and any other "vunerable" single person. These men know we want a connection and they use that to their advantage. In about 4 years, some of the marriages I know of will look totally different.
Sigh, this weekend was work, and yet it was spiritually refreshing. I'm envigorated to start my life anew. And that says a lot more than me blogging can.
Toodles, and sorry for the long rant. Say something or don't, Byyeee!
3 comments:
I am a true believer and "Do You!" So yea, those married men need to pay attention to home and stop worrying about what others outside of their home is doing with themselves. There are plenty of men out there that appreciate a woman for her not for the type of clothes she wears or how her hair is done. Now I am one that is permed but that’s what I am comfortable with and it’s not like natural people try to convince me to be like them so why should I tell someone to be like me, permed. Next time have a little snide remark for those who like to make comments that are not needed...or not, but I know I would cause thats just how I am...And its funny cause when I see afros I dont think militant I think more nature, natural, afro-centric sometimes. But it just goes to show how different people views different things...I dunno...
They are all afraid of change! But its not like you are trying to change their wives- if its in them, its in them you know. But who cares about these " Brothers" who are to worried about your hair and whatever else you got going on, but don't really know the real definition of beauty...Its different for every person. Thats right girl be you, be free!
People should have the choice to do what they want with their hair--just because you are natural doesn't mean you are militant and just because I am permed doesn't mean I am not militant. That was just an ignorant assumption on that guy's part! Uugh!
~Shermika
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