Memorial Day Weekend Revelations

I’m back, but not so much refreshed…more like lazily spoiled. I saw freedom you guys, and it was “marvelous in our eyes”. I developed a new addiction: Ugly Betty. Yes, that will be added to the list. Dr. Pepper, being nosy, geeky men. That’s just a small peek of my list of obsessions. Yesterday this weird feeling of, I don’t know benevolence?, overtook me. I reminisced about my ex. I was shocked that I entertained non-homicidal thoughts about this man. Progress, I think. Eh, who knows.
I’ve made recent discoveries this weekend. All of them very personal. And yet, I’m still going to share them with you. Go figure.
Personal Revelations
1. I found out that being perky doesn’t go away with disuse. It only festers and then reveals itself in awkward and inappropriate situations. I try to be cool and nonchalant and it backfires on me. The person I’m fronting for says something totally cool, hits a nerve, or kicks over my soapbox and there I go…being Rachel all over the place. It’s annoying really.
2. I try too hard to form romantic attachments. Right now I’m trying to like this guy. But why am I trying to force this? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to force the guy into anything. But, rather, I’m trying to accelerate my feeling for this young man. Meanwhile the poor sap has no idea.
3. I’m a dreamer. This isn’t really a revelation but a coming-to-terms. I fall in love with the idea of the thing more so than reality. I have an ongoing fantasy of me wielding my fabulousness in various settings. I’m my own superhero.
4. Eating at/from home is totally doable, if you have food there. I’m lazy when it comes down to cooking most of the time. Don’t get me wrong I can cook…I mean I even look like I can cook or sing…whatever. But I have to have inspiration. I found out that if the food is easy to make, I don’t have a problem with cooking. Way to go me.
5. I feel personally responsible for the loneliness of my friends. This happens even when I’m there to have fun with them. I feel I should be able to rescue them out of depression.
6. Depression is contagious. Once a friend explained her reasons for loneliness, I bought into her reasoning. I went around moping for a few hours questioning myself too. Not good. I have to inject some life into my life.
7. My Harrison Ford boycott is over. I watched the latest installment in the Indiana Jones films. My only problem with Harrison Ford is that I don’t believe him. I can’t suspend my disbelief when I watch his movies with the exception of Star Wars and Indiana Jones films. This created a problem when the third Indiana Jones came out and there was no fourth riding on its coat tails. Harrison didn’t hang up his acting career, he continued on as if I had no say-so. But this late fourth installment is just a gentle acknowledgement to me…can we say delusional conceit?
8. My mouth has expired. I haven’t gotten a clear explanation for this since I own and having been using a toothbrush quite frequently since at least 1983. My teeth are betraying me one by one. Must be bad genes or something. Or all the sodas and sugary crap I eat. Who knows?
9. I over-think stuff. Every idea that I really like is mentally burned up by the time I finish with it. There’s no way to rewind the idea back to a workable solution. I always take it too far. Having to start over from scratch is exhausting.

Let’s face it, these are life-changing discoveries. To be honest, the real list doesn’t end there. But for the sake of time let’s just say that it does. I’m going to leave you with an audio/visual rendition of my current emotions.